So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
