just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
