So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
