I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
