Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize