I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
