i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
