I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Randomize
