Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
