I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
