Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't turn off my feet"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
