You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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