your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
