bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
