i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
