We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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