Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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