And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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