I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
