Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
love makes seman taste better
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
