Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
