don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
