When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just pee around me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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