I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
