I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize