id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
