sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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