i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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