in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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