everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
