I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
