Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
