Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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