so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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