i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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