well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
