I wannas sexs uuuuu
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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