you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
