This is not my ceiling
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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