Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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