Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
