You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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