So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize