craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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