I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
