i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize