There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
