the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
