Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
