he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
