just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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