How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
