Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
