Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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