Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
