good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
