Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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