Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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