pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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