State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize