ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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