He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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