WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
