Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
