i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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