i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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