I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
