So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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