oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
