i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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