How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize