Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize