I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
