i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
