hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
