From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
