I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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