Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
