my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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