had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
