that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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