Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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