You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
