I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
