hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
