im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
