he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
