Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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