I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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