I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
