The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
