Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
