This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
