but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
