I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize