so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
