we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
