ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize