You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
