there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
