There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
