Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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