i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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