Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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