too bad you live with your parents still
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
