I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you win again, gameday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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