I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
