I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize