i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
