Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's shark week go big or go home
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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