Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
