Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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