Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize