I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
