You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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