I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
