how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
