Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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