I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
