I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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