He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
