Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
