Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
